What I’m capable of

You don’t know. Neither does anyone else. That’s why people like me are so terrifying. Why is every bomb threat taken seriously, even the most ridiculous sounding? Because no one really knows what’s in the mind of an unknown person, their possible motives. It’s hard enough trying to know what your spouse or kids are lying to you about much less a person you’ve never met who seems to enjoy making threats and stirring up chaos. 

I’ve proven time and time again that I’m comfortable violating your personal and legal rights. I’ve demonstrated a complete lack of ability to hear you or empathize with your perspective, wants, and requests. My logic and reasoning are so “creative” that I manage to take situations, such as you publicly outing me, and twist it into a scenario where you’re trying to get my attention. You’re flirting with me. I do have perspective on this sometimes, like right now, but I’m very persuasive in my own mind and I don’t like hurting so I go back to choosing the narrative that makes me feel better in the end. Yes, that’s not fair to you, but I need this more than you do.

You’ve read all the stalking websites that say to take threats seriously. Stalkers will escalate over time, but when you go to the lawyers and cops with this mentality, they simply brush you off as hysterical. Even people who are stalking advocates have dismissed you! Hahaha, it tickles me. There’s that lady who looks like Jessica Rabbit, who has shaped her whole identity around being a professional stalking victim. She said she hit the stalker lottery or something ridiculous like that because her guy also had some real celebs in his rotation so when he got caught (that’s what happens when you have high profile targets) it catapulted her into the spotlight and she’s soaking it up. When you talked to her, she literally told you she only deals with people who are in “danger” which is in direct contradiction to everything you read saying just because nothing has happened in real life yet doesn’t mean you’re not in danger. I heard her inflection on that call. There was a subtle superiority to her tone. She was letting you know were on the bottom of the suffering hierarchy.

Then there was that woman from The Electronic Frontier Foundation who you were so excited to talk to. She agreed to look at your evidence and you thought something was really happening, finally. A day before she looked at your files, she made a tweet about how most suspected hacking was just someone tricking the victim into thinking they were being hacked so they could leverage the fear. After you saw the tweet, you knew she wasn’t going to take it seriously. She claimed to look at your files but there was no record of her reading anything in the log and when she responded to you, she just said exactly what she had said in that tweet. She just wanted your file off her desk. She didn’t care if you were really in need of protection.

Anyway, it’s been years and even after all my violent posts suggesting I was going to do everything under the sun to you, I still haven’t. After over a decade, your learned helplessness and resulting apathy have allowed you to relegate my threats and invasions to background static. The constant hum of your anxiety and hyper vigilance is now being projected onto unrelated circumstances like always worrying about your pets dying and being fired from your job. The heat is off me, with help from all the people who were supposed to be helping you. To them I offer my sincerest gratitude. Thank you for your service.