Hey, I gotta let you go, you’re calling me on the other line

I was just listening to my recordings of your phone calls with Hanley. Oy Vey, what a mess. Hanley may have been inane, but you were drunk almost all the time and mean, so so mean. Hanley has the patience of an angel, although she was calling you a hoe amongst other things; a martyr, a professional victim, acting like you had it so bad. Ugh, you were so messy. I’m embarrassed for you. There was so much desperation in everything you did back then. I had your brain in a blender. Man, I’m such a genius. 

Like how I reeled you in by putting a synopsis of our unconventional love affair on a blog I knew would find its way into your feed; Shy, insecure, yet successful gay man (maybe even trans?) falls for a nobody who has nothing to offer him. Tortured by his irrational feelings of attraction and revulsion he stalks and hacks her instead of asking her out, then proceeds to role-play his secret romantic feelings with her through hundreds of catfish blogs, etc. No one else has that story. Of course you knew it was written for you. Your anger makes you an easy mark. It was so simple to get you on the phone with her.

But then, she wasn’t her, she was you and you were “Mike.” Hanley didn’t care that you sounded like a woman, you’re a musician, so you have all that fancy software you can use to change your voice on the phone. You weren’t hiring actors to play parts; you were playing all the parts yourself. And you weren’t just Mike, you were also Zed, Morgan, and Joe. Hanley was happy to engage with each character knowing full well it was you because she enjoyed the sides of you that came out when you played different people. You would call her when you were already on the phone with her and she’d let you go to talk to you, which always enraged the real you, to the delight of the real me. Yay, games!

Then you started texting yourself. Morgan sent you abusive texts telling you to be nicer to Hanley and just being a bitch in general. Joe was kindhearted and validating. He commiserated with you about how crazy Hanley was but explained he was attached to her so he just put up with it and pretended to be Mike so they could have a relationship. He knew you weren’t Mike, meaning you also weren’t him. Joe seemed to be crushing on you a little! He even sent you a text two years after you washed your hands of the whole thing, said you really made an impression on him, he missed you, ha. Zed didn’t seem to want to get involved. Probably for the best. Hanley had described him as your darker side and quite problematic, but she was down for it, she was down for Zed and all your fragmented parts, however you cared to express them. You weren't sure if Hanley was created to be a role model for how I wanted you to behave or if she was just some rando maniac lady, riffing off the initial prompt I had given her to act from. OR, plot twist, was she actually me using voice changing software?!?!  Whatever the case, she was certainly unforgettable. 

If only you could see my entire operation from the back end! I think you’d have a lot of respect for my organizational and managerial skills. I know it would scratch your OCD in all the right places. SEE! This is why it’s so hard for me to resist breadcrumbing you with all my little secrets! If you really knew everything I can do you would find me irresistible! Even more irresistible, I should say. Maybe one day you’ll submit to my plans for you. Once I have you fully captive and restrained, I will finally be able to tell you everything. Here’s hoping love wins! Kisses, ciao Bella!