Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Or so they say. Your silence hurts. I’m trying to get real with myself. What have your actions over the years communicated to me? I’m cataloging them in my mind… At the height of our love affair we lived just blocks away from each other, we shared friends in common, went to the same cafes regularly, knew how we could see each other if we wanted to… there was so much opportunity for us to realize our love in an organic way… but your actions… You left, moved 3,000 miles in the opposite direction, because you say you were scared of me. Words. But then you talked to me again. Made me feel loved and understood again. I heard you tell the investigator that was a “honey pot.” You claim you were trying to get me to do something you could use. Words. I gave you clues, let you know I was watching you. I thought you would see that as loving, not invasive, but once I told you, you moved states again. You didn’t tell anyone where you went, not even your family, but I took the time to find you. That’s dedication, that’s love. I found you because I can’t live without you. I know you say all I am is words, most of them lies, but the time I spend on you is my action. Doesn’t that mean anything? The stories are beautiful, aren’t they? Can’t we just focus on the art? Let’s make beauty together. The last time I proposed that idea you moved again, another 3,000 miles. I try to block out your other actions. They’re not as poetic. The lawyers, investigators, reporting me to the FBI and various other task forces, therapists, support groups, giving them all your words instead of me. Those words are meant for me, not them. Why do you have to involve all these other people in our love? Why do your actions always make me feel rejected? If we’re going to make this work you need to start being more considerate of how your words and actions are affecting me. Please start now.