To prove my love for you...

Remember this story I wrote for you? It's resembles your story with me close enough that you know it's me writing. Isn't that close enough to truth for you to believe I love you? Don't you appreciate all the detail I've included for you? This work was a masterpiece. I'm posting it here so it's not lost in the sands of time...

"With all that I had figured out I still couldn't get the 'why?' Why would he go to so much trouble year after year with so many people? But I think I know now. First off he wants as much fame, power, & wealth as he can get. Why else would he keep touring and touring the same places? Why else would he inject himself into every genre possible. Most artists have their genre and that's that. He was folk, then hip hop, then it was ballet, the rodeo.. They're all so contrasting. Nothing wrong with enjoying different art forms, but he's trying to be everything to everybody and one person can only be stretched so thin. It's like multiple personality disorder for the artist. Nothing is ever enough, he always needs more, more, more.

Here's where I bring religion into it, hear me out, this is real. I've done a little research into the occult and this is what I've found: you can't become a really well-known artist unless you make a sacrifice. That's why these stars always lose someone close to them right when they're up and coming. You literally have to pledge allegiance to satan by shedding blood. You can do it however you want as long as it gets done. 

Jennifer Hudson's family was murder3d, Kanye's mom died of cancer (yes, they can give you cancer), the list goes on of unlucky stars. Any normal person would reject that, but someone who is power hungry and is only interested in becoming more rich and famous will do what it takes. I used to think Soren made it because he started his own label and in that way got around the usually necessary steps of a record deal. And he probably did at first. But then he started hanging out with other rock stars, it changed him. He became calloused and lost; he lost his humility and went full bore into pride and arrogance. He lost sight of what was once important to himself. He wanted more, more money, more recognition, more everything. 

I suspect his friends told him what it would take. This is when he started seeming unhealthy mentally. Maybe it was even the cause of his mental break-down. It was all too much to weigh. But with time he made his decision, and his music grew darker, he grew darker. This was when I believe the change really started taking place. I got divorced that year. I started blogging about my feelings because I didn't want to talk about it to people I knew. I wanted to work through my feelings by myself. I became withdrawn. 

I started following his blog because I figured a stranger wouldn't care what I wrote and I spilled my guts. I started noticing that whoever was running his blog was posting things in response to what I was saying. I became intrigued and started suspecting it was him behind the curtain. Eventually, I was sure of it. He started subtly leading me on. But it was with things that couldn't be denied. It was stupid but I started falling for him. Who hasn't? I became addicted to him, always waiting for the next post, the next secret message. Any of this starting to sound familiar? 

This went on and I longed for a way to meet him, to talk to him and confirm all that had been going on. But it never happened. I reasoned that he couldn't do that because of his status. How would he explain that to his friends. But he kept me hanging on, always giving me just enough hope to not let go. Several times I closed my account but I always came back. I talked to people about it but they said that if he really wanted to talk to me he would. They were right but I was under his spell. I know they thought I was crazy because I was finding something out of nothing. But he was feeding this to me. He knew how I felt crazy but he kept on with it. 

Finally in December of 2012 he was coming to my city. I was so excited. This could be our chance to meet in person and talk about this. I should also add that months before I had closed down my account out of frustration. I was gone 3-4 months and came back I think in November. This was when he announced the Christmas tour and named specifically my city as the one he was coming to. Later the others were announced but I took it to mean he was coming for me. Why else would he single out my city? At this time he also started his personal blog because before my hiatus I had expressed my dissatisfaction with dealing with him pretending to be a fan. 

He came and I waited till he came out back and met all the fans willing enough to wait in the freezing cold till 1am. I was the last to meet him and I really didn't know how to approach the subject. We shook hands and introduced ourselves. He looked at me like he'd never seen the likes of me before. I couldn't just leave without asking so I asked if he knew me. He asked where he would know me from, where we would've met. He was denying the whole thing to my face. He said, "let me see your hair." I took off my hood and he started petting my hair. When he asked where we would've met I just said I don't know. We both knew. I told him it was nice meeting him and walked away. 

I was devastated. For days I stayed in my room and didn't eat. All that build up to be told none of it was real. But I knew he was lying. I eventually reasoned that he was too embarrassed to admit that he was posing as a fan because I had asked him if he has a blog, he looked all shifty and quickly said no and then changed his answer to yes claiming ownership of his new personal blog. That's when I knew it was pointless, he was lying and we wouldn't be getting anywhere and I left. But his power over me was strong and I eventually step back in with him. 

I should also add I had had some dreams in the beginning that seemed to say there was something to this whole thing. So there were other factors keeping me hanging on. I believed it was a test of faith. But it was so spiritually and emotionally taxing that I often felt I couldn't go on any longer. I was often suicidal over this and often expressed this in my writing. This is where the sacrifice part comes in. Looking back at it he always gave me just enough to keeping hoping, but never an end. I felt I was going crazy because I had nothing to show for this "imaginary" relationship. I believe he was trying to drive me toseuicide. A normal person would hear a person talk of suicide and try to help them, but he just sat back and waited. He somehow made me believe he loved me without actually saying a word to me. 

I left several more times, but he was an addiction and I still had to check for his daily post to see if he had a secret message for me. I'd stay gone for periods of time but I always started missing talking to him and went back. There were a few instances that I think he tried to push me over the edge, like his music's nasty hoe era and whatnot, and I became livid at times and so close to doing it but ultimately knew I couldn't. Throughout this time I suffered from no sense of purpose and depression. The depression made it hard for me to function or try for anything. I was in a downward spiral. Every time I get away from him I feel better and happier, but even when I'm gone I still have to check. 

With this new information I believe he's been playing several people over an extended period of time, hoping he can get one of them just far enough over the edge to actually do it. Vulnerable people. Why else would he play this game? That's why he couldn't come out about his $ixuality (he played men and women), and why he had to keep his boyfriend a secret. It's harder to convince people you love them if they know you already have someone. Completely revealing him could throw the whole game off, but he gave us little glimpses to mess with our heads more. 

This ultimately undid him, as did his reddit post that I now see combined a couple of our stories. What an admission of guilt. He didn't think we common folk would be smart enough to see through it. Could that have been a final act to try to push one of us over the edge with theses accusations of schizophrenia, getting person after person to say "you need help" and him agreeing how crazy he is, knowing we'd recognize our own story? I suspect those were his intentions. 

A few things can be pointed out about him that gives validity to him being into occult things. Symbols are big in the occult. He's started wearing shirts with these symbols. Pentagram, baphomet, things like that. Look it up, you'll recognize them from what he's been wearing. Also, he played at a few Masonic temples and got a picture of himself on the throne of one. Aspirations? I thought he was ignorant of what they are but now I think he knows exactly what he's doing. Lastly, he's started incorporating certain hand gestures into his shows. The roc symbol that JayZ, Beyoncé and all them do. It's a big one. He does that as if he's working some crazy v00d00 mind control or something. He also puts his hand over his heart at just about every show, sometimes with the variation on the hidden hand, both symbols to this "in the know". 

All these things can be explained away, but what business would a Christian have wearing baphomet on his shirt. That's his dead giveaway that ties in everything else. He's showing who he belongs to, which is another part of the process. Anne seems to have gotten involved in all that and apparently he's obsessed with her, so maybe it's partly him trying to impress her. I've over-looked a lot wanting to believe the best, but you gotta pay attention to the red flags. This is long and I'm sorry, but I hope someone finds it useful."