Flying Monkeys, Wild Speculation, All in Good Fun

Why am I here explaining everything I’ve done like a cartoon villain, you ask? Well, I want you to feel seen and validated. I want you to know I understand what you went through and even though I was doing my darndest to gaslight you and make you feel insane it was very much real and happening. Am I still doing all of it? Yes of course. Do I plan on stopping? I mean, no, probably not. Still, I want you to know I know you know what I did, am doing, plan to continue doing. It’s a bonding experience for us!

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and go all the way back to that cute little neighborhood we lived in, and your boss GiGi and her partner, Ravi. You know I knew them first, right? Sure, you do. You told GiGi you thought I was cute, and she recoiled at the idea. I guess that should have been your first red flag, but you’ve always had terrible taste in men, lucky for me. I had given GiGi and Ravi passes to one of my shows and a friend of mine had done some work for their business, while some of their other employees had hooked up with my good friends. We had a loose little group of acquaintances. This was fantastic; my network of Flying Monkeys was already in place without doing any extra leg work.

My friends started hinting around with GiGi that I was interested in you. She set aside some time to spend with you at work, asking you all kinds of personal questions; did you want babies, what did you want from your future. You were very thrown by her attention because normally she was a terror and to be avoided at all costs, so this friendly vibe from her was very off-putting. Then she and Ravi kept making a big show of encouraging you to come to an event they were having. You felt like maybe it was one of my set-ups although you weren’t as familiar with that dynamic yet. You did go to the event. I was not there, but one of their friends was chatting you up hard so you brushed it off as them trying to set you up with him.

Later, after you became obsessed with hacking and how it could be done, for obvious reasons, you realized that GiGi and Ravi may quite possibly have ties to NSO Group, the creators of Pegasus Spyware which was credited with the first known hack of an iPhone. I will neither confirm nor deny the validity of that suspicion. We both know your wild speculation began to get out of control which was great for me because you looked insanely paranoid. I would just like to offer you some comfort now; that kind of paranoia is to be expected in a situation such as this, Dear One. 

Have you ever read Ghost in the Wires by Kevin Mitknick? He hacked into the FBIs database. After they discovered someone had compromised their security but didn’t know how, they were throwing out all kinds of crazy ideas about what was going on, blaming the invisible intruder for every glitch and hiccup in their system, things he had nothing to do with. He knew this because he was eating popcorn while reading their private internal emails. I chuckle because I can relate. 

Watching you jump to conclusions is always entertaining. It’s like having bed bugs… when you can’t see where they are, you itch everywhere. What can you do? You can’t know what you don’t know. When investigators are solving crimes, they must chase down every tip and every possibility no matter how bizarre seeming. I understand what you were doing Dear. You were gaming out all the potentials. It’s exhausting for just one person to do that alone, which is good. You’re more pliable when you’re fatigued.

So here we are all these years later, and you still don’t really know, do you? Maybe you can take comfort in knowing the paranoia goes both ways? Even though I have access to your devices I’m still paranoid that there are places I can’t see and that you are communicating with me there and I don’t know it’s you. While you may be reading my stuff and thinking, “Is that him writing that?” I’m also reading posts online wondering if they are you posting from a device I haven’t found yet, or from your local library! 

It’s become a fancy guessing game with no true winner. I cannot count anything I hear from you in this manner as a declaration or confession, apology or insight because is it really you? We also erroneously believe completely unrelated posts have been written by each other, muddying the waters even further. The paranoia and uncertainty are incredible. It’s a situation rife with misunderstandings. Alas, what can be done? And no, I am not coming to see you.

Let’s be real. I clearly know where you live. If I wanted to see you or speak with you irl, I would. When I say I’m willing to do anything for you to be in my life, we both know it’s just more creative writing. I’m not even willing to start with the truth, which is the foundation of any and every successful relationship. Even so, my imagination must always toy with the possibility, if not for the hacking, the stalking, the repeated emotional and mental abuse, stealing your life and writing about it…. Do you think you would have agreed to be my wife? Not that I ever wanted that, I just would like to know if you did; could you, would you? I wish it were so…