The Erotomaniacs (You feel it, cuz we do.)

Flash back to 2014 where I spent a few days on multiple accounts writing back and forth to myself, talking about myself in the 3rd person and my relationship with Sarah so she could see it and understand how lucky she was that I was even paying attention to her, even though I wasn't really paying attention to her and it was probably all for someone else or only for myself anyway. Wait... hahaha, what? hahaha, sometimes I get dizzy when I chase my tail 🤪

How does today’s post? fit into your narrative? I see it as him saying you’re a little crazy/delusional. What’s your take?

Sarah is off the deep end, of course. I feel like the only sane one among the four of us, so I’m going to give myself the caretaker role.

It’s already a longshot that gay-ass Soren is in love with a single mom from Washington, but I’m open to all kinds of spiritual connections, destiny, all that.

My motivations are pure and tainted. On the one hand such delusion irritates me, but on the other, I don’t believe in accidents, so I’m wondering if the universe wants our interaction. I hope you’ll play along.

And yes, I believe there has been communication with me, so I’m equally deluded (or the soul-mate winner!). Right now I’m thinking the most likely answer is that he’s trolling his more “devoted” fans. I’m not going to try to convince you, but my evidence is as compelling to me as yours is to you. There’s probably some way we can help each other w/o devolving into a religious argument about who’s right. Not sure what that is, but at this moment it feels like a good idea.

My “situation” goes back years as well and has left me as confused as you. Why the push/pull? There are a million ways to communicate anonymously, and none have been taken, so it’s safe to conclude that direct connection is not desired. Why the “I love yous” in blog titles (yeah, I think they’re for me, just as you and Sarah think they’re for you) coupled with no action?

The obvious rationalization is “wants to but just…can’t…do it” for mental reasons/fear. That’s a stretch, though.

So now I run into two people going through the same thing (that it may be ‘real’ for one of us doesn’t change the fact that in our subjective realities our experiences are very similar).

I have to wonder if there’s something going on in another plane of reality. (I’m a Reiki healer, mildly psychic, but thankfully no ‘voices in my head’ or shit like that). I wonder if we’re being milked for energy, which would mean there is intentional contact with all of us, but not based on yearning love.

(Look up energy vampires, etheric cords, and astral entities if you’re not familiar with the subject)

The notion of being possessed isn’t as it’s shown in the movies. It could be a compulsion you don’t understand, and one that doesn’t jibe with the rest of your personality. Something like pining after a stranger miles away.

An etheric cord is an unhealthful, fear-based attachment with another person. Soren’s interactions with you are meant to get you to cord with him. I’m assuming in feeding him you’re feeding the entities attached to him. Notice it’s not so much “I love you” in the blog titles, but “Soren loves you” or “Soren loves you so much it hurts.” Hurts whom? There’s an irony there.

Notice also when you separate or take a break how your mindset changes. You’re more detached from this obsession, get more done, focus on your family, etc. That’s because you’re not being drained.

Why a mom from Washington? Probably because you’re loving (lots of light/energy) and don’t have good boundaries. That’s most likely the “victim” profile. You’re also empathetic so you can feel his pain, and I do believe the soul of the entity Soren is indeed in pain.

There may be soul-level connections between you two (and me and Sarah, etc. Who knows? We’re not privy to such things).

How many times have you told yourself “wtf am I doing? I don’t need this crap in my life?” over the years you’ve had this experience?

How many times have you reached out lovingly and gotten slapped back? Only to be tossed a line when you’re about to give up? You know very well that it’s not what love looks like and not what it feels like. There’s none of the expected reciprocation. The relationship is based entirely on your energy.

Dark entities are service-to-self only. They have no light in them and need yours to survive.

Do you remember those posters from the NYC subway that Soren posted last year? He’s posting his experience. Mental illness leaves you vulnerable to possessing forces because your aura breaks down.

One last thing… if it turned out that Soren loved and was communicating only with, say, Eva, how hurt would you feel? Isn’t part of what you’d feel relief? You’d be relieved to be free of it. That’s information you should use. It’s the suspense that allows them to control you/me/us. That’s your inner self telling you this isn’t good for you.

in the context of that image Soren posted are light-bringers or at least those “of the light,” which opposes darkness. So the point of the update is “it’s amazing what those dumbasses will buy into.” They (negs) exist for their own purposes but we “use” them to accelerate spiritual grow.

I assume Soren fell prey to such entities over the past few years. Where did the beauty in his music go, the raw emotion and sincerity? It faded and auto tune showed up, though you see it once in a while in the later stuff.

One big tool of the negative entities (or negs) is to make you feel bad about yourself, because in truth mind/consciousness creates this reality and if you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough, then you’ll bring a “confirming” reality into place. It’s very disempowering.

That’s how I applied sleeping beauty to my narrative. Just because I’m awakened to their manipulation doesn’t mean I’m powerful/free and queen of my own future. Of course we’re all queens of our own futures if we choose to be.

BTW, the “Brony” thing is his way of making fun of my transgendered nature. Bronies wish to be another species. Look at the pants on the dude labeled “Brony”…it looks like a vagina in front.

Saving Soren? Who knows. He’s so compromised I’m skeptical it can be done. If it can be done, I don’t think it can happen by casting your “personal” or non-divine light on him, that is you can’t take on the role of healer and then try to redeem him and thereby make him love you in gratitude. That’s a quid pro quo kind of love. If you could love him enough that if your healing were effective and he thought someone else did it, you’d be OK with it and not care. That is, if you healed him with divine, unconditional love and he thought I did it and was like,”OMG thank you Matilda. You rock. Sarah sucks,” then maybe you’re pure enough to pull it off. I can’t channel that frequency very often.

The love you’re showing is the normal, conditional, transactional love of a woman for a man and vice versa. You make an offer and expect (rightly) something in return. That’s why you’re angry and confused by the mixed crap you’re getting in response. They’re just sucking it up and keeping you hooked. They probably couldn’t digest real, divine love.

In other words pray unselfishly. Your intentions even subconscious will derail you if you’re not pure. Just a theory! I don’t bother much anymore, because I got my own problems/kids/job/gender to worry about.

BTW, I saw one of his messages to you. It was a picture of a van with a Washington area code. He was letting you know he was in town. More rambles…

Also, because consciousness creates reality if you, a powerful bringer of light, hold yourself in breathless suspense for word/sign from a stranger across country, then you will not manifest the goodness you need to in your own life. It’s not that you will ignore your kids or anything, but your attention will be less focused. The more conscious negs (demons, etc) want that, because right now mankind is on the cusp of evolution, which will be the end of their free ride here on earth.

BTW, if you’re not buying any of this now, you will eventually.

The Good News is that God is with us, always.

What do you suppose I should do? Shut down. Never look back? I’ve tried. I always check his blog first thing when I wake up. Call me obsessed, I don’t care. I already said I have OCD. Should I seek professional help? What would that do? Get me on drugs so I really do lose control of my own mind? I guess I could just go away and force myself not to pay attention anymore. That’s probably what I should do.

I do the same thing, love. I’m on zero drugs myself, never been medicated.

I have my belief about what’s going on, but what is yours? Why doesn’t he send you a text saying, “that guy you’re talking to is completely full of shit. I’m talking to you and only you?” He supposedly loves you. What gives?

I’m with you there. He should do that. I think it’s out of self-preservation. What if it were to get out. That Soren sent a message to a fan saying he’s in love with her. There’s no self-preservation in love though.

How many artists have fallen for fans or even groupies (not that you’re that). There’s no rational explanation. The only explanations are irrational, i.e., he’s damaged/afraid. That’s reasonable. I’ve used it myself!

I like my spiritual one but that’s tied to my personal experiences/beliefs. We can probably both agree that this isn’t what normal love feels/looks like. My “situation” goes back years as well and has left me as confused as you. Why the push/pull? There are a million ways to communicate anonymously, and none have been taken, so it’s safe to conclude that direct connection is not desired. Why the “I love yous” in blog titles (yeah, I think they’re for me too)

I wonder why you think the I love yous are for you? Not picking a fight, just wondering what made you think so. And I, too, agree with the notion that on another plane things are happening that affect us here in our reality, although I’m sure our ideas of what exactly is happening is completely different. BTW, I’m glad you’re back.

Same reason you do, a running “dialogue” on a hidden blog. Everything “fit” well for me as it did you. If we share details, you’d find holes just as I found holes in yours. The uncertainty/doubt is built into the thing. Also, my theory doesn’t require that I’m his sole interaction, although I thought I was. I’m OK with you thinking I’m the delusional one—what the hell, it sounds delusional as hell. We can both agree with that.

Also, this isn’t the latest in a long line of obsessions. I’ve never behaved like this before, and am not even really attracted to men.

I don’t believe I said you’re the delusional one. I believe it could very much look like he’s communicating with you. I just think it might be coincidence. Until I know details I can’t make up my mind one way or the other. But you did call me delusional and that I know I’m not. I’ve known a lot of crazy/delusional people, both in my personal life and in the work I do. I know what crazy looks like, and I’m not.

Yeah, I walked back when I remember the van thing. I’m a technologist, and so I can set up my blog to geo-locate IP addresses. It was a hidden page, not indexed by search engines. I got hits from NYC. The evidence is at the no-doubt level for me, too. I’ve seen him multiple times, but never approached him. He’s looked dead at me multiple times. (Spoke directly into my face during that Oakland concert). Keep in mind I had a whole site dedicated to interpreting his lyrics from a lit perspective, so there would’ve been that potential for interest. Shit like that. The list goes on and on.

You’ve seen him multiple times in concert, or in a real life setting like having dinner and you saw him at the table next to yours? Does the site still exist? I’d be interested in reading that. Can you be sure the red hat is an allusion to The Catcher in the Rye? What then is the meaning? What if the red hat is more symbolic of the color red (passion, love, something else entirely…) and the hat is on the head, so maybe symbolic of thoughts/thinking of this person, or something else entirely. Who can interpret his songs correctly other than him? Nobody. You could find a thousand different interpretations, doesn’t mean that’s what he meant. Same with his blog I suppose.

Sure, we could argue that, but it’s his brother’s red hat, which is an iconic thing in Catcher. But I didn’t want to get bogged down in evidence trading, because you’re going to try to find holes. Your belief in my experience isn’t really critical to our getting along. I’m OK with you holding tight to your “real” experience, and I can even believe it while holding mine. As for the looks, I’m well aware of what it feels like to be looked at and talked to. This isn’t a glance across the audience. He delivered a monologue where he had to look DOWN into the 3rd row and spoke directly too me. This has happened zero times in the many concerts I’ve been to.

Like you, I’ve had real-time back and forth when he would update right after me in the middle of the night and we’d trade posts.

I took the site down in one of my fits of irritation.

(Also, I had no idea he was aware of my existence until that show).

That part confused me. What was a hidden page? The van post? Are you saying he posted that from NYC?

Also, I don’t doubt he looked directly at you. Isn’t that what they teach you about public speaking? Pick a point and focus on it? Make eye contact? I don’t know, I hate public speaking. I keep to myself. But maybe he did recognize your face and picked you for that reason. He does seem a little outside of himself when he’s onstage.

Sure, I’m OK with you thinking I’m mistaking coincidence for communication. Neither of us have a case that’s going to convince a jury anything. At this point I’m more interested in the shared experience than the objective reality of our beliefs.

Back to the red hat thing, what if it’s from the POV of a girl? He’s said before that he does that. And what if she calls him her brother, not as a sibling, but as like a more spiritual relationship. I don’t know, could be a stretch. I’m feeling a little foggy (haven’t had any coffee). But he… The red hat thing we can get into later. It’s just intellectual interpretation. But yeah, for a female fan there are some troubling homoerotic references to his blog, songs. (I don’t want to go down that rathole either, because we’ll never conclude anything from it).

Homoerotic if from a man’s point of view. Not if it’s from the woman’s pov. You might be simplifying it too much. I really don’t think he can be understood. He seems to live in his own world where he’s content to not let others in. They say there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. Maybe it’s not any of us who are insane, but the genius himself, and we’re all really good at applying it to our own lives. It sure would be nice if he cleared some of it up, but I think he’s too comfortable in his own little world.

Yeah, the red hat thing says nothing about the gender of the narrator. I wasn’t even bringing sexual orientation into it when I talked about the red hat. I was saying I was trying to approach his work from that angle. Gay/straight Soren is an argument I wouldn’t try to engage in. Bi fits, too. Who can know?

And concerning this morning’s post. I have no idea what that was about. Maybe he is calling me crazy or whatever you said before. The brony thing? That I can’t even begin to understand. I’d never heard the term before. I googled it and all I found was something about men dressing up like my little ponies on urban dictionary. I don’t know what his obsession is there. It’s kinda freaky. How does he even know that term?

Brony is a fetish that popped into public consciousness within the last couple years. It’s a freaky thing.

What is it?

A weird fetish based around some kids show from the 1980s, 1990s. Some of the men want to be the female ponies. Others love the ponies.

So then it really is about my little ponies? Is this like a beastiality kind of thing? Or those people who dress up in costumes and get it on? I’m sorry, people keep getting weirder and weirder.

I’m not familiar with the details, only that it’s the latest weird behavior to make fun of. Remember when people found out about “furries” ?

I’m not talking about just the red hat. I’m talking about any of his songs that can be taken as homoerotic. I think a person needs to step out of their own biases if they want to understand anything. Maybe he is bi, or maybe he’s educated in fiction writing and draws from personal experiences, and his fictional writing involves characters experiences that aren’t supposed to be taken as his own narrative. Seriously, until the man says, “I’m, bi, gay, straight..” Nobody has the right to determine what he is.

Absolutely. I agree with you on that. But the speculation is understandable because of the ambiguity. When analyzing his songs I say the narrator/character, not Soren.

Or we could all jump to conclusions and say that S is a homo/bi/brony who’s in love with all his fans (there’s gotta be a term for that). Maybe the man just loves too much. Finally, the mystery is solved. Don’t be upset. I know where you’re coming from. The gay speculation is probably a longstanding irritation. I’ve seen as much evidence/more evidence for straight as gay.

I’m gonna hit the gym. Don’t go disappearing, you’ve grown on me.

Have fun.. I am an acquired taste!

I love the weirdies, it’s the normal ones that make me nervous.

BTW since I know you feel possessive of your relationship with S, let me reiterate that I don’t believe he is or ever was in love with me, I do believe he was interacting with me. Maybe that’s a less grating thing for you to deal with. Just think of me as a friend with a really weird belief who is otherwise in control of her faculties.

I caved and stopped at Starbucks (no self-control).

Possessive?? Me? Never! How can you be possessive of that which you don’t- uh- possess?

Do I seem grated to you? I’m enjoying this. Immensely.

Well, I know I was possessive of the specialness I thought I was getting. Widely loved, admired, lusted after, but among all of them he picked me! It’s a very egocentric/separating feeling, but understandable if it were true. ”Separating” in that his fans are divided among those who want him and the one special person who has him.

I think of this S thing as a weird thing that happened that I should detach from and learn from. I think i’m getting there.

Lol. I am a chimpanzee! And is he cheating on me? :) I’ll kill him if he is!

I guess after this much time I’m beyond it. Maybe before I felt some kind of specialness, but really with no follow-through it’s pretty much a joke to me now. I guess the chimp is coming into play here, a chimp and a chump. I’ve been through all the feelings of anger and disappointment. At this point I expect nothing. I think that’s right about when you walked in. Maybe you’re the final straw. The final factor in our Princess Bride fairytale. We’ve been through all those other things and you’re here to convince me at the very end that it isn’t so, I’m just one of many. Well, you came too late. Remember in Office Space when the main dude just stopped caring? That’s me. So he’s playing a game. I don’t care anymore.

Everyone I know thinks I look like Ron Livingston, btw.

When you get to indifference, he tries to pull you back. I’m sure you’ll see something ”encouraging” soon.

On an astral level the cord weakens unless it’s reenforced. Also I’m not saying you’re one of many, but one of an elite few!!

You guys would look good together, but I wouldn’t endorse it!

Aww thanks :)

And no thanks :(

No thanks? I only meant I don’t think he’s good for anyone :P

I think/suspect that Sarah is some kind of psychic/schizo. Someone with access… I think he was vulnerable to it from the beginning, being first to self-criticize, trying to please, rough unloving upbringing.

Totally. I wish I could hug him and love him and heal him, but it’s just not possible. IMHO that kind of healing is only possible with God, and with so many distractions God tends to be put on the back burner.

You sense he’s yearning for God but never makes that connection. And lately he seems to have drifted even farther. Something like that. He definitely seems far from God. And he seems to keep busy so he won’t have to deal with the loneliness or pain. But that’s an outside perspective and without knowing him it’s really assuming a lot which really isn’t fair.

Sarah must’ve blocked me. I’m not getting her posts. She seems to crumble into cog dissonance if you question her assumptions.

The pain is unambiguous, even if his mental state and relationship with God are indeterminate. It’s not just song lyrics; it’s the whole vibe he’s putting out.

It’s possible she’s MK’d and programmed to believe he loves her.

It’s also possible he is.

Can of worms= opened!

MK’d?

During WW2 Josef Mengele did experiments on prisoners, torturing them to try and mind control them. It’s called Mk for mind control, but since it was in Germany they spell it with a “K” I guess. Anyway, he was brought over here to work for our gov and they’ve pretty much perfected their technique, so now there’s people walking around like Manchurian Candidates or whatever. They can be programmed for different things, but it’s all to cause havoc. That, I believe, is what’s behind all the shootings. There have never been so many, what up? You know? And every time it happens, what do you hear? “Gun control!” How else can you change our amended rights? Get everybody worked up and scared. And once we’re stripped of protection, then what? Then what??????

Hmm, it doesn’t seem outside the realm of possibility, but GC hasn’t made any headway anywhere, so it’s not working if that’s what they’re doing.

So MK’d Sarah blows away S?

No, they have different purposes. Some are programmed to kill, Alphas. Some are programmed for sex, sex kittens or Betas. The president has his pick of the litter (great pun!). Like JFK had Marilyn. She’s the sex kitten prototype. That’s why all these sex kittens always go through a MM phase where they dress up and are photographed looking like her. It’s part of the process.

I hit post before I was done. She could be programmed simply to cause strife and confusion in his life, and if, as she says, his friends are in on it egging her on, maybe he should be a little more careful with who he chooses for friends. I don’t think the purpose is for her to blow him away, but maybe try to cause him to lose his mind. Maybe he and I are meant to be together and she’s supposed to prevent it? Stranger things have happened.

Why are you and he meant to be together? Divine purpose? So her outward stalking is messing up his ability to trust his “fans,” and keeping you apart?

(I suppose I’m likewise programmed)

That’s what I’d think. I can’t otherwise understand how I’d have such a dream. God was showing me something that He also showed him. Without that I’d dismiss it all. If that’s so, if we really were made for each other by God, Sarah is one tiny piece of the puzzle in a long series of events. Maybe the hope is that he’d fall for her. Maybe that’s why his friends were supposedly egging her on?

None of this weirds me out. The interactions among us are deeper and more subtle than we can realize. But I do believe if something is God’s will, then nothing can stop it from manifesting. In your worldview who/what are the “opposing forces” ?

Ultimately Satan, but under him are all the demons working to create turmoil in the world. So think of it this way, if Satan has been opposing God from the get-go, and he hates everything God loves; you have this shy, humble singer/songwriter who is openly into Jesus, wouldn’t he aim to destroy? And suppose he knew of God’s plan for these two (us) to be united, would he (Satan) do everything he could to prevent it? Especially since he owns the entertainment industry and controls people’s thinking through that. People are so impressionable and want to be hip to what’s cool. So somehow this nobody from Michigan makes his own label and has a voice going against what Satan wants. Would preventing God’s gift of a true and loving relationship not take it’s toll on a person’s mental well-being? I think so.

That’s an interpretation, not entirely distinct from my own. He brings light, so dark forces jump in. As it relates his relationship status, not sure if that’s a cause or an effect of whatever mental issues he has.

No, I don’t think you’re programmed, although you could be, it could explain the gender confusion. I don’t know your background. Anyway, you aren’t supposed to tell someone if they’re programmed, cuz if they find out they’re programmed to self-destruct, commit suicide. That’s why so many stars self-destruct, around 30 they’re programming starts breaking down and they either go nutso or off themselves. They call it throwing them off the freedom train or something.

Gender issue goes back to age 4, so it would’ve happened pretty early. I looked up MKUltra for background. They start early. In the womb actually. I’ve read they’ll poke the baby with a needle to cause it stress and induce premature labor to cause more stress. It’s Aleister Crowley’s moonchild. Those are extreme cases though. It’s hge in California.

Lucky me! As it relates to S my Gender Identity issues didn’t encourage me because I thought he was gay and wanted a dude. If anything my fascination cause me to suppress it. How do you distinguish between a dream and just a delusion? Not a flippant question. I’m curious, since this dream of yours is extremely powerful to you.

I suspect you’re just an innocent bystander caught in the line of fire. I could be wrong though. I could be wrong about a lot of things.

Well, I am happy to take myself out of the line of fire. I’m going to disappear for good now. I don’t want to stand in the way of what God has ordained. I hope if it happens your love is the healing he needs. I’d like to hear some good tunes again.

Bummer. You should stick around just to see what happens.

My intuition is telling me I’ve served whatever purpose I had in this and can finally be free of it. You’ll be missed. :(