That’s going to leave a mark

Sarah is a problematic victim. Which makes her the perfect victim. This is why I have never felt too pressed when I listened to her phone calls trying to get a restraining order or contacting the FBI Cyber Crimes Unit. She’s too emotional. If she ever actually got me into a courtroom in front of a jury, they’d be locking her up at the end of it. I know how to perform for an audience. Sarah operates under the false assumption that her feelings are valid, and the truth will prevail.

This is what happens when you grew up as a latchkey kid and your babysitter was the television. No one was there to calibrate her moral compass and let her in on the secret that most humans are garbage. She was relying on Charles in Charge and Pee-Wee’s Playhouse for instructions on how to be a “good” person. If you believe all the Hollywood tropes from your favorite ABC After School Specials, you’re going to hit some snags later in life.

Sarah had done some “stalking” of her own. Very hypocritical, actually. After I gained access to her browser history, I could see she had been watching YouTube videos that I was in and reading articles that had been written about my career. Your typical parasocial relationship… She felt like she “knew” me. I prefer to call it erotomania. The way I present myself to the public and the person I am at home are two vastly different creatures. She always had a hard time squaring what she saw online with how I treated her, which was great because it kept her hooked. Who doesn’t love a good mystery? My professional image is a plaything of the public and I feel no obligation to be “real” in that space. Who I am at home is my own damn business.

Throughout our “relationship” (Sarah always puts it in quotes, ha) I’ve had a few things working in my favor… I naturally have a lost little boy vibe that Sarah loves (she’s a fixer). Publicly I look very interesting, creative, smart, intentional. She’s always had a boner for the intellectuals, some might call “nerds.” Then my good boy image bought me enough time to get into her stuff and at that point she was cooked. The mystery I had created had her needing to know what the eff was going on?

She didn’t do any of the stuff you’re supposed to do to be a good victim. She engaged, she investigated, she initiated contact, she answered when I contacted her, she showed her emotions and just got sloppy all around. Excuse me Sarah?? I thought stalkers were defined by unwanted attention, but you sure seem to want mine.

She kept saying stuff like, oh it’s a Honey Trap, Oh I’m collecting evidence, oh no one else is helping me so I have to find the answers myself. C’mon, Sarah. Did you really think anyone was going to believe that? Ha. Too bad, they didn’t. They don’t. Like I said earlier, she thinks what she went through would matter to other people, so she's always yammering on about her side of things. No one cares. Pipe down. A good victim is contrite, demure, quiet. Good victims don't punch back. Once you've hit back, you've lost.

My whole life all I’ve ever wanted to do was make my mark. I have so much to offer the world. It’s tragic to just let it fall from the tree and rot. I want a legacy, something that people will remember me for, see long after I’m gone. My music career has hovered just below groundbreaking which has been a calamity for my self-confidence. I don’t know what it was, or is, exactly, but something about Sarah made me feel I might finally leave a mark.