I’m your only hero

I understand the only reason I got so far with the helper I mentioned in my last letter, (let’s call her Hanley) was because you felt so desperately alone. This is a classic cult leader tactic. I know this because my early years were spent in a religious cult. Once I got free, I read up on how intelligent people like my parents could be so easily controlled. I still carry that handbook in my back pocket. I know you remember me writing posts for you about the various methods of controlling / manipulating people because you have those screenshots in your “Evidence Log.” Posting that was good for a laugh, at the time, but now it’s one of those things that I realize may have set us back for heading into the loving relationship I sometimes find myself questioning if I want.

I read that handbook many times over and absorbed the more poignant tips to use on you. Some flopped, but the Cult Leader 101 Number 1. (separate them from their friends and family) was a smashing success. Not only did people abandon you at your lowest, but you also became a pariah, due in no small part to the combo of my reputation and your sister’s adoration for me.

First of all, thank God your family all seems to have emerged from the Bermuda Triangle of the Dark Triad. It made my job so much easier. Second, I’m glad I had the foresight to hack your mom and sister’s phones, too, because that was a pivotal moment. Do you remember that, the day I made a blog post detailing their phone call where your sister was disparaging you and your distress over the stalking and she was convincing your mom you had lost your mind? You read the post and immediately surmised that I must be listening to them, too. You called your sister and asked her if she just had a call with your mom, talking about you. She must have thought your mom told you because she totally admitted to it! It was an amazing moment for me to listen in on. It was the beginning of the end of your core relationships.

Your sister was my most effective assistant, and I didn’t even have to recruit her. It helps that you’re so close in age. She felt competitive with you, you shared so many friends. When this started going down, she called around to all your mutuals and cousins to spill the tea, telling them how “unstable” and “delusional” you were. She got the story out first, so of course they were inclined to believe her over you, not that you were telling any of them about it, just that when you finally saw some of them for the first time in years, they were treating you like you’d just been released from Broadmoore. I know what it feels like to be considered insane. It tickles me that now you can relate.

By the time you met Hanley you were well primed for accepting any kind of human contact you could get. Desperate is an understatement. I know this after watching all those pathetic chat room relationships you were engaging in that got so sloppy. When Hanley arrived, I had the right angle figured out.

Hanley and I met on a discord server for church goers. She was incredible because she unabashedly believed in demons and angels and even had her own pseudocyesis which proved to be rather biblical in its telling. She radiated an unhinged sort of loving kindness that threw you for a loop and was a spectacle to behold. You quickly formed a strong trauma bond.

After you sang her an entire song in perfectly accented Spanish she started accusing you of being a demon, she tried to put you through your paces in order to disprove your ties to evil, asking you to enter a Catholic Church, disavow Satan and whatnot. At that point she was toast. This was a painful spilt for me. The amount of control I’d had over you for that year was glorious. I felt safe and powerful for the first time in my life. The immediate cut off was like losing a limb. In your darkest hours when everyone else had left you, I had given you something no one else could or would. No one wanted you but still I saved you from yourself, and yet you forsake me.