Chicks with Dicks

Sarah asked me out. She sent me a text. It was shocking, very forward of her. I had never even given her my name or my number, which has been a great way for me to label her as the true stalker in my smear campaign. While it’s technically true I never gave her my number, I did make sure to get it into her line of vision, in case she wanted to make use of it. After I planted the seed, I went home and did a love spell. It took a couple months, but the seed sprouted, and the spell seemed to work.

I was floored when I got the text. Not only is it totally out of the ordinary for a girl to make the first move, the way she invited me to hang out was so cute. It melted my heart in one second flat. Looking back, that was the moment I was cooked. I was powerless to her charm.

I didn’t answer her, but I did write a blog post. Let the games begin…

As I mentioned previously, I told my friends. They were enthralled by the idea of her. Being that I identify as gay, and they had not spent any time considering me with a woman. The topic had them all a flutter like a flock of giggling tweenage school girls. They started doing stupid stuff like following her around. I was furious. They were so obvious about it. It’s like they thought they were wearing an invisibility cloak or something, or Sarah was too dense to notice. She noticed all right. Dear Lord.

I told them she was harassing me and making me feel uncomfortable, trying to get them to simmer down. Maybe I even sort of believed that. I mean, she was making me feel uncomfortable. But that’s just because the idea of meeting her face to face made me so nervous my hands would shake and my mouth would go dry, because I wanted it so bad. I hated her for it. I won’t allow anyone to have that kind of control over me. 

My brother took the harassment claims very seriously. I’m the baby of the family so he’s always been my protector. I also think he carries a lot of guilt for forcing me to do things with him when we played pretend as kids, but that’s a story for another time. My brother knew her schedule and he’d show up where she was and make it clear to her that he saw her… he was going to be watching her, so she better watch herself, you know what I’m saying. OuuWee, she did not like that. This is when things started going off the rails.

Bro was taking care of things irl and I was handling the virtual side. My blogs were pumping out content. I was sprinkling stuff around where I though she might look. She’s curious like a cat so it wasn’t hard to get to her. I’d weave in little details from her personal life, stuff only she would know was about her, enough info to let her know it was me behind the blog, but not so much that she could prove anything. She’s easy to hook. We started messaging. I was playing Mike. She was playing Sarah. 

 I told her how I was transgender mtf but not going to have surgery, married to a woman, but in love with Soren and willing to fight her for a spot in his life if she was trying to steal my man. Then I got her to talk about taking her panties off. I was having so much fun. I love spinning a yarn. Of course, there were truths in there but she wasn’t doing a great job of discerning what was true, what was a metaphor or what was just plain old made up. This is when her feelings of hatred for me began to blossom.

 I liked that. I still like it. Hate is just the other side of love. It meant everything to me to see her so hooked. I stoked the flames, told her she was being gang stalked, kinda true! Told her she was being messed with, made a fool of, mocked. All true.

It was easy to tell her these things because it stemmed from my own paranoia that she had been sent to make a fool out of me, ruin my reputation and bring me down. Possibly she was sent by the Devil. She was a demon maybe. Or that she was a government operative and I had been MK-Ultraed because the powers that be knew I’m a disciple of the Lord and have been sent here as the next coming of Jesus Christ and they intended to take me out before I could complete my mission to free all of humanity from the shackles of evil.

So you see why I had to hack her. I can’t really be blamed for that. Any reasonable person would do the same under these circumstances. It’s not personal, Sarah, your dark frequencies have been interfering with my light. Demon slayers don’t let demons get away just because they can craft a cute text message. I’m smarter than that.