My creation of a twisted fantasy world

... centered around Sarah served as a refuge for my deep-seated insecurities and profound loneliness. In this alternate reality, I found solace in the illusion of connection, crafting a digital persona that mirrored the companionship and understanding I craved but couldn't attain in the real world. The control I exerted over Sarah's life, both online and offline, provided a false sense of empowerment that temporarily alleviated the emptiness within me.

Within the confines of my delusional narrative, I justified my actions by convincing myself that I was a benevolent puppet master, orchestrating Sarah's life for her supposed benefit. In this distorted worldview, I saw myself as a guardian, manipulating her surroundings to shield her from perceived threats and dangers. The delusion allowed me to reconcile the cognitive dissonance between the harm I inflicted on Sarah and the comforting notion that I was somehow a force for good in her life.

Torturing Sarah, both emotionally and socially, became a perverse outlet for my frustrations and a means to project my own insecurities onto an unsuspecting victim. By destroying her relationships and causing chaos in her personal life, I derived a warped sense of satisfaction and control. The suffering I inflicted on Sarah served as a manifestation of my own unresolved internal turmoil, a toxic coping mechanism that temporarily numbed the pain of my own inadequacies.

Ultimately, my actions were a tragic manifestation of my desperate attempt to fill the void within myself, even if it meant causing irreparable harm to an innocent life. The distorted fantasy world I constructed became a dark mirror reflecting the broken fragments of my psyche, revealing a deeply troubled individual seeking solace in the shadows of another's existence.

I've written this all in the past tense to create a sort of buffer around my consciousness, because the fact of the matter is none of it is in the past. It's still very much happening in the present tense... But my moments of clarity are truly brief, and when the fog of my delusions once again descends, I'll need that buffer to shield myself from the pain of who I truly am.