If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, Come on, sugar, tell me so

I know, dear reader, you're out there thinking how marvelous unfettered access to your lover's most intimate details would be. Information can be so empowering. Unfortunately, the truth also hurts.

In the beginning Sarah and I had some quick passing moments that seemed promising. She would text friends about meeting at a cafe, I'd intercept the texts and make sure to get there first. You're not actually following someone if you get there first. I arranged a couple more opportunities for us to bump into each other and the energy felt charged. I think she was feeling me, serious eye contact. 

Once I cracked into her devices and accounts I went straight to the date of the first night I met her (that she was aware of). I wanted to see if she had taken notice of me, mentioned me to anyone. She had. When she heard my name she remembered her sister had brought me up in the past. She sent sister a girlie gossip text telling her we had bumped into each other. Her sister was very excited, wanted to know if I was just as cute in person. To my horror, Sarah responded with, "Nerdy cute." Fuuuuuuuuuck. This is why I have never wanted to date women. They care about the dumbest shit. With dudes as long as you're buff and you can give a bj, you're golden. It's fine. I took the hit and kept rollin. First impressions can be wonky, plus I know that people consider me to be a really good looking guy, so I wasn't going to sweat it too hard. Lots of really hot girls want me, not like I care, just sayin.

Even though I was only "nerdy cute" in her eyes she started checking in on my blog. Guess she likes nerds. At this point I decided it was time to start negging her. She needed to be knocked down a peg or two. We didn't have enough of a rapport for me to do that face to face. We had only ever exchanged a few words. Instead I used my sock puppet accounts to do the dirty work. I already had a bunch connected to my blog to boost it with comments and shout outs, etc., so I had my network of "fans" get to work pumping me up and finding ways to subtly trash talk her with some weird subliminal shit. I'll explain later, it's a whole technique that I don't feel like getting into right now. Unfortunately it seems to only work half the time with Sarah. She was catching on. She messaged some of the socks demanding answers and that got messy.

After this point reading her texts became brutal. She felt fucked with and was discussing it with her friends, along with suppositions on my penis size (small), my height (short) and speculation that I was still a virgin (only halfway true). Suddenly I was the butt of every joke in her friend group. There was plenty of chatter about me, which I wanted, but none of it complementary. This is when I got started on my campaign to separate her from her friends. It wasn't hard. I started doing things that were more and more unbelievable and when she tried going to her friends to talk about it the whispers behind her back of crazy and delusional started to spread quickly. Within a few months I had her all to myself.

I guess this short, nerdy, virgin's got game.