Sarah's alone for Christmas

She has been for the last 7 years or so. She still decorates and makes herself a big dinner, traditional stuff she never had with her family like Green Bean Casserole, but also the solid staples like mashed potatoes. She likes doing a turkey but it's a lot of bird for one person. She also tries to go mostly vegan at home, so dealing with the aftermath of that big carcass always makes her sad. She says her thanks to the bird and comforts herself by acknowledging she was probably a holiday turkey in another life. I think it's sweet. I'm usually able to find a lot of fault with whatever decisions Sarah happens to be making in the moment, it's part of my contrarian nature, but this tradition of hers really touches me, partly because she thinks I'm the reason she's alone.

She likes to belabor this topic, but her arguments are worn out and were always shaky at best. Yes, Sarah, I created chaos in your life and made you look insane to any outside observer. Yes, Sarah, when you tried explaining your circumstances to find help I systematically designed a misinformation campaign to silence and disempower you. Yes, Sarah, I sent my trolls after you so you would feel beaten down, alone and lost in your own mind. Yes, Sarah, your family and friends began to shun you the more you talked about it. I know, I know, you wanted to feel understood and less alone, but you just sounded desperate and unrelatable. I will cop to the things I've done but I will not take responsibility for your poor performance when looking for support or the fact that your friends and family are terrible people. It's your own fault you no longer have anyone in your life, not mine.

Anyway, I like that you're alone. It makes me feel closer to you. You're all mine. When you're by yourself watching your Hallmark Christmas movies on the couch, there's an open spot right there waiting just for me. I don't have to photoshop out any pesky boyfriends or best friends who have inside jokes with you that I'll never be included in. We have no jealousy issues, that's why you're perfect for me. You're lonely just like me. We fit like two puzzle pieces, made for each other.

I know, I can hear your rebuttal in my mind as I type that. Yes, you are correct, I am not alone on Christmas, or ever really. I have my family, a large group of friends and associates, and I had my boyfriend up until he died suddenly this year. But I'm alone in my own mind and that's probably worse than what you're going through, Sarah. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'm always here with you in spirit, and that should be enough. 

Merry Christmas, Sarah. You know how I feel about you. Always ~

xoS